How to Talk with my husband?

2021.12.02 06:47 Fearless-Internet719 How to Talk with my husband?

Hello,
Please, excuse me for my English, not my first language. I have no one to ask for advice, so here we go.
Me (28f) and my husband (30m) bought flat in little city outside of the town we lived. We were expecting our fist child and it was our only option at that time. We moved in, I gave birth and from that moment everything goes downhill.
He started to get dark thoughts, constantly talking about how he hate it here, how we never should move in, that this flat is a ruin and dangerous to us. For me, this is not ideal, but nothing dangerous and honestly I like living here. So I always wanted to show him that it’s not so bad. And that’s where we always started to fight.
Soon we were only fighting and I only concentrated on how to make him feel better so we wouldn’t fight, to feel nice for a sec and just be together. Came summer and everything looked better.
When winter came again, he started being depressional again. He told me that because of this flat he don’t love me anymore and I was ruined. But somehow we sicked together and made it through. And this is how it is. When it’s summer he feels better, but when it’s winter, everything is bad.
Now we are planning to buy land to build a house. And our fights moved from flat to our house.
He’s saying all the time: “You don’t care.” “It’s so easy for you!” “I know you don’t want to talk about this.” “It is our fault!” We are miserable people!” And bunch of insults on our account.
He always is sounding like I am against him with everything but I am not! The goal is the same for both of us, but it seems like everything I do or say is bad. I feel like he wants me to be in the same miserable state of mind as him. And I am. But in different way. Because all of the accuses I am truly believing that I am not worth living because we just messed up our kids lives. Deep down I know it’s not true, but I am just so messed up.
I think the issue is, that my priority is family, no matter where we live and his is living in a house. Which I don’t blame him, I just want to talk without fighting, but it seems like it’s impossible. I am really trying to talk to him reasonably, calmly and he just blows off.
I know it’s too much on him, but I just want him to act normal and discuss everything without emotions. But we don’t have time, when we can speak about it because he is in work during day, when he comes home he plays with boys and right after he pass out.
Is there how to break this cycle? I am seriously considering divorce even tho I have nowhere to go. I tried to talk to him in every way I imagined but every time I end up as being bad.
Please help…
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You the other day that you developed DID from the abusive relationship you were in. No. You didn’t.
Damnit I don’t deny the abuse because I was there when you needed to cry about it. I was there when you needed comfort and I did everything I could till you crossed a line and I needed to get away.
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I’m pissed that you’re lying to me. I always knew you were one to exaggerate things. But come on! This specific disorder is so controversial and rare. Knock it off.
I’m sick of your toxicity. Go away!
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